Some men keep count of how many women they have had sex with. I keep count of how many women rejected me.

I want to hang myself.

Loneliness cuts through my soul, it's unlikely I'll ever find happiness. I should hang myself.

the prospect of being alone all my life is making me very suicidal.

Who knew loneliness would be the theme throughout my entire life.

I wish I was dead

Ho ho go to hell.

If you fuck nature, nature will fuck you.

'Humans, or two legged garbage as I like to call them.'

If home is where I'm supposed to be happy, then my home better be fucking far away from people.

Oskar Kokoschka - “I've lost all desire to go through the ordeal of love again.”

I'd rather die young and
Be forgotten
Than live to grow old loving you
- Jessica Lea Mayfield -

The finest day I'll ever have is when I finally hang myself.

You make me want to hang myself.

"I wish I was dead", my first thought in the morning and dying is the only dream I'll ever actually get to do. All my other plans, hopes and dreams I've long given up on and I'm old enough to be just okay with that. Death is the ultimate goal anyway, does it mather what I accomplish in life? No one thinks of me now, no one will when I'm gone. It's a sad realisation that, being the last of my bloodline, I'll be one of those people who's rotting corps they'll find when, 6 months after my death, the debt collector comes knocking on my door. 

'Everything is no fun anymore and I am losing my mind' - JLM

'Never again' I tell myself every time after a date with an escort which, again, left me feeling dissapointed and more lonely than before. Yet every couple of months the solitude drives me insane and has me walking willingly into an escorts trap. After my last experience, where the girl rushed through emotionless sex and had me out of her hotelroom after 30min even though I payed for an hour, I was feeling pretty unsure about my date today. I made it clear when making the appointment that GFE was very important to me and I love to cuddle. I arrive dressed to the nines with a small gift to show that I care and honestly it started of pretty well. We were the same age so making conversation wasn't very hard. But throughout the hour she bassicly just lay there, eyes shut without taking any initiative. If that's what I was looking for I might just as well get a sexdoll. I feel extremely insecure arround women and sex really is all about interaction, right? So pretty much nothing happenned and I walked away sexually frustrated, mocking myself for not getting any. Is it me? Am I that ugly, that horrid that it is unpossible to give me a proper GFE. Am I just expecting to much out of it all. It'll never fill the aching hole in my life but for fuck sake would it be nice to every now and then be hugged, held closely, intensely made love to and looked in the eyes with passion so I can feel like I am human too.