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解锁了一个新成就:"The Sophomore"
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解锁了一个新成就:"9 year old account"
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tired of waking

I believe the ten minutes following an orgasm contains our most profound moments of clarity. Like questions of what does it all mean, why the fuck did I just spend an hour watching porn, and why can't we transcend our primal urges. In those precious moments following a release our thought processes are free to roam without the incessant hindrance that is the sex drive. 90% of our day is fueled by the faintest hopes that we might be able to attain that caliber of enjoyment and release. I am a misanthrope in the sense that I despise anything that isn't purely the product of logic and reason, since so much of our motivation is derived from our instincts and our animistic nature(sex drive, desire for happiness, purpose, feelings of being special...), one can't help but contemplate the purpose of the insipid and unavoidable abstraction we call life. Life is just a repetitive cycle where we do the same fucking things over and over again until we are too fucking wasted away to do them anymore. We continually grasp for pleasures that are transient, but if everything ends there is no such thing as something lasting, so why even do something if it is just going to end. Nothing ever lasts, so my rationale is why ever exert oneself for something that might be but that will eventually come to a close. People delude themselves into thinking that there is some logical reason to endure existence, since our minds are geared towards favoring comfort and avoiding feelings of insignificance, we each come up with our own little reason for living, i.e. Oh I live to help others, I want to make a difference, I want to be revered and feared, I want to be the best, I want to love... And for the people who are too stupid to come up with their own reasons they appeal to some imaginary entity, which is how religion is started. However I am not going to focus too much on that because I feel that if one is determined to survive, they should be free to do whatever they can to make the perpetuation of their existence more tolerable. So basically, to each his own. So in the end, life is lacking of meaning. It really is a fucking bitch to have to deal with a over analyzing brain, if everybody was a fucking idiot there would be no mental illness such as depression or anxiety, but since we think, we have to somehow cope with the vexing onslaught of uncertainties regarding life. If one is ever experiencing feelings of depression( not casual of specific incident but the result of a series of introspections where one questions their self worth and their reason for living), then they are awake. They have become self aware, and that is a unrivaled englighting experience. Albeit not one followed by much happiness of any sort. It is much more enjoyable to be innocent and ignorant. Anybody who is not clueless is going to have one hard fucking time navigating the shitstorm that is being alive. Nobody is probably going to read this, hell why would you, it's a bunch of incoherent scrabble written by a lonely lying naked in a bathtub. I'm fucking tired of thinking but more than that I am really sick of jerking my dick all the time.
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